Ultimate Guide: How to Optimise Your Online Dating Profile to Get More Matches
Why Online Dating?
This is the era of online dating. More and more people are meeting their significant other from online dating compared to our parents’ and grandparents’ generation. They probably met at school, work or other social group gatherings.
Online dating is truly the Millennial’s way of dating. You can now have a bigger circle of dating options to choose from than ever before, and also get to know the person behind the screen first before deciding to meet up if you guys vibe well.
This is especially so during the COVID-19 period where social meetings and group gatherings are not recommended and rare. Statistics have shown a rising trend of online dating usage worldwide over the years and these numbers are projected to rise.
Sure you may prefer to meet girls the "authentic way" via social gatherings or friends of friends but be honest, is it because you have tried online dating before and failed to get any results? Besides, who says you cannot continue to do that. Online dating can be used as a bonus in your arsenal.
Girls in social groups may not be single or currently available to date while you can be pretty damn sure majority of the girls are online because they are single and ready to mingle just like you are. (Apart from the annoying insurance agents who are just there to "socialise")
Who is This Guide For?
I created this guide as I see some of my friends struggle with getting likes and matches from girls. This reminded me of my past self where I probably only had a few matches with some being bots after using up my swipes for the day. If you are like my past self, this probably killed your confidence and made you feel inadequate in terms of sexual attractiveness. Over time, as I improved and upgraded my photos, I started getting more likes and matches. I was able to get 99+ likes within a day.
An average female can get 99+ likes in a day easily unlike the average male. Therefore, this guide is catered more to men than women as women usually can get away with any picture and sometimes even a blank profile due to an abundance of men which leads to a scarcity of women on online dating apps. However, most of these tips are useful to improve your online dating profile even if you are a woman.
Before reading on, I would like to say that online dating may not be for everyone. Not only do you need to get your profile right, but you also need good texting game to transform your match into a date.
At the end of the day, it is a numbers game. Not every girl is going to like you and you can't get every girl to like you. However, you want to maximise your chances. As long as you follow my advice and truly put in the work, you will succeed. There is no excuse unless you suffer from some form of deformity.
But be practical. If you are objectively a 5, don't cry and say you fail when you can't get a 9. I consider it a success if you can get a girl that is objectively a 4-6.
My Online Dating History
Like most guys, I first started using dating apps during army. But I only met a few and was not getting much quality matches. Then came my eczema and eating disorder issues which made me stop completely.
On April 2019, after recovering from my eczema and eating disorder, I wanted to improve myself socially. After being stuck at home for 2 years, my social anxiety was at an all-time high. Going to public areas or taking public transport would cause panic and anxiety attacks. I first started working on that from March to April. It's all about taking baby steps. Once I felt comfortable with that, I was ready to improve my social and dating aspect. The idea of online dating then came to my mind.
NOTE: At this point, I was socially awkward and never had a girlfriend before. Therefore, online dating is useful and works especially if you are an introvert who prefers 1 to 1 as compared to group interaction.
In total, I have met and dated about 20 girls in 5 months from April to September 2019, which is about 1 new girl a week, until I found my ex who I vibe well with. Some I went on multiple dates with (2 - 3 months), and others only once due to incompatibility. Interactions with the first few girls were probably awkward and weird as I had never really dated or even had much social interaction prior.
Online dating for a guy is tough as there are more guys than girls on the app. Let’s be real, girls have tons of matches. Since they can’t be meeting every single guy out there, they have to be picky and sieve out the top 10% as compared to guys who just swiped right on everything. Almost all guys do that because they are just lazy and see what they can get and ultimately it is up to the girls to decide if they want to match with us or not.
Therefore, your profile plays an integral role as it is akin to how first impression matters in real life. If you can’t even get your profile right, you are seriously limiting your chances in finding a girl that suits you. Texting and going for the meet-up will also be more challenging for you and you will have less room for errors if she deems you as less attractive and low-value.
Which Online Dating App?
There are many dating apps currently in the market such as Tinder, OKCupid (OKC), Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB), Paktor, TanTan, Badoo, Hinge, Inner Circle, Grindr and even FaceBook dating.
NOTE: This comparison is for the free version within the apps as I don't think it's worth paying a hefty price for any premium versions.
Dating apps that I do not recommend:
Please don't use Badoo and FaceBook dating unless you are into maids. No offence, I love my maid very much but not in that kind of way. Kudos to you if that’s your kind of thing.
This blog post is catered to heterosexual individuals. Therefore, if you are using Grindr, I’m afraid this post may not be suitable for you.
I hate Paktor because it is literally the most disgusting pay-to-win app I have ever used. After matching with someone, I am only allowed to exchange 3 messages before having to pay $20 per month if I want to continue the conversation with my match. What kind of bullshit is this. Don't be tricked by their 5 star rating on the app store. It is a scam. The only reason why it has a 5-star rating is because halfway using the app, I noticed a pop-up saying "Rate this app for 5 stars to get you more matches." This is just bullshit and part of their marketing tactics to trick users into inflating their authentic rating score.
I don't recommend Hinge because you are only allowed to swipe 10 people a day. Although the interface is clean, not many people in Singapore use Hinge. Hence, it is going to take forever to get a match. I feel that it is more popular in other countries like USA.
Dating apps that I recommend:
Coffee Meets Bagel is known to be the more “relationship-focus” and serious app but honestly, in Singapore, they are all about the same where majority of girls are looking to be in a committed relationship rather than random ONS or flings. For CMB, you are only allowed to swipe 20 people once a day at 12pm. So if all 20 are not your type, you effectively have no matches for the day since you swiped left to all and vice-versa. Therefore, it is much slower and takes longer to match with someone.
I like OKCupid as you can start a message with a girl without being matched to them yet. This puts you at an advantage if you know the right opener to send. Though recently, OKC has changed where if you don’t buy their A-list, it will take slower and a longer time to get matches as you are only able to swipe 10 girls a day. This is pathetic as OKC is trying to become a pay-to-win app. However, I still like the fact that you can message girls first before matching them. This is my favourite app and the one that I have most success with.
I'm sure most of you are familiar with Tinder. It is the OG of dating apps and the most commonly used one. Tinder is the world’s most popular app for meeting new people and is the first that comes to people's mind. You basically swipe right on people until you match with them. You are allowed 50 swipes every 12 hours. However, Tinder will work only if you have very, very attractive pictures. Unlike OKC and CMB, you are not allowed to message a girl first unless you have matched. Therefore, if your pictures are not flattering enough, you are not going to have many matches. Hence, Tinder will not work if you are only an average to above average in terms of physical looks.
Bumble is a newer app. Bumble was born out of a desire to reinvent the antiquated rules of dating by empowering women to text guys first. Upon being matched, girls are given 24 hours to text the guy and the chat disappears within 24 hours if no text / after the last text is exchanged. You are allowed 100 swipes every 24 hours. You may think that it would be so cool since girls have to text first and you don't have to rack your brains to think of a convo starter. However, what ends up happening is majority of the girls open with "Hi" or the *Wave emoticon*. In the end, you still have to open with a banger line to keep it interesting and going.
NOTE: Don’t spend money on any dating apps to see who swiped right on you cause most of the time, it’s a bot profile, or it’s probably a girl that you did not find attractive and swiped left on earlier. The superlikes and unlimited swiping features are unnecessary as ultimately, the girls also need to swipe right on you to get a match and 50 a day is plentiful if you have the right profile. Just be patient and do not be that guy who swipes right on every girl but don’t be overly strict as well and only go for the model-looking ones. Be realistic and set your expectations right.
What Type of Photos?
Whether you like it or not, the truth is, online dating is mostly about photos. Either you play the game, or you drop out of the game. Let’s face it, most girls don’t see shit about your bio when swiping. They only read it after being matched or after the guy sends them the first message. Therefore, your photos are the first thing they see.
A sweet spot would be 4 to 6 photos for your profile. Although Tinder allows a maximum of 9 photos, Bumble 6, and OKC 10, more than 6 photos seem too 'try-hard' and you only look as good as your worst photo anyways. Having less than 4 photos is too little for girls to get a glimpse of your lifestyle to be interested in. Studies have also shown that profiles with 4 photos or more receive the most matches. But of course, they have to be quality ones which I’m going to cover below.
If you have a friend that is good at taking photos, then you should ask for their help since smartphones these days have supreme camera quality. I find that females are generally better at taking photos. My female friend was also the one that took photos for my profile. Bonus tip: you can also ask your female friend to choose which photo is the best that she would swipe right on.
If you don't have any friends who are good at taking photos and you have extra cash to splurge, you can hire a professional photographer. It is not cheap as a session costs about $400 ($200/hr). However, I feel it is worth it. Make sure the photographer take casual shots of you instead of formal ones. You want to look natural and not stiff. You are going on a date, not an interview or a business meeting.
Note: For those interested, I have a friend who is decent at photography who charges half the rate at $200 ($100/hr). The shoot will be 2 hours long, at 1 location, with 4-6 spots. After the shoot, you will then choose the best 10 photos for her to edit that will be ready in 3-5 days. You can then use it in your profile and increase your matches with these improved photos.
DM me on IG if you are interested. After confirming a time slot, a downpayment of $50 will be required to prevent sudden cancellation. At the end of the shoot, you will pay the other $150 to her (the photographer). You will received the well-taken and edited photos 3-5 days later.
(Disclaimer: There is no guarantee that you will get 99+ likes. You need to be realistic. If you are unattractive and out of shape, you need to maximise your looks first. However, she will do her best and there will highly likely be a difference.)
1. Don't use selfies of any kind
I do not care if it is in a grand toilet or your room, it makes you look like a loner who has no friends to take a proper photo for you. Do not try to show off your hard work and muscles with a gym mirror selfie. Nothing wrong with showing off your six-pack, pecs and guns, but do it in an unintentional and non try-hard manner such as a sport/activity or even chilling at the beach topless. If you do it intentionally, it comes off as a show-off or a douchebag even if you are not.
2. Don’t use filters
We are guys. That’s gay af. Filters are distracting and make it hard for females to see you clearly. It makes them think you have something to hide.
3. Don’t have multiple group photos
This is your profile and it should mainly consist of you. Do not hide in a crowd. Females should not need to play a guessing game to find out which one in the group is you. Having too many group photos also make it seem like you do not have identity as an individual.
Personally, I do not use any group photos. However, if you want to have a group photo inside, keep it to a maximum of one. Make sure you look the best in that group photo otherwise it does not look good on you, and they may be more attracted to one of your bros.
4. Don’t have pictures suggestively embracing females of your age
Females are probably going to think that she is your ex or your FWB or there is some complicated relationship going on.
5. Don't have babies or kids in your photos
Unless they are yours, you should avoid putting babies or kids in your photos. You may think it makes you look like you are a responsible person or a good future dad-to-be. Sorry mate, but females may think that is your kid and swipe left on you as they are not interested in dating a single dad.
1. Include a cute picture of your pet
If you have a pet, use it to your advantage. Most women really love dogs and it gives off the perception that you are a responsible man who can take care of others, potentially them in future.
2. Make sure your body and face are seen clearly
You want daters to be able to see your body type and facial features clearly. Do not wear sunglasses or clothing that wrap you up and cover you from head to toe. You do not want to seem like you have something to hide.
3. Find your best side, angle, and poses
You want to portray the highest SMV (Sexual Market Value) of yourself. If you are a 7 objectively in real life, you want to portray yourself as a 8, and not a 6. You want to really show your best side, your best foot forward. Most guys do the opposite. They are actually better in real life than online and they get no matches cause girls assume you look worse than your pictures.
Everyone has a side or angle that they look better in. Do take some test photos to find out which side of your face and the angle of your body positioning that looks best in a photo. Learn how to do basic poses to look swag/cool. This shows off your personality and adds "life" to your photos.
You can easily go online to get some inspiration of male model poses. It is time to take some notes from those ig models.
4. Ensure clean background & quality photos
Make sure the photos are of decent quality with good background and lighting. Messy backgrounds are distracting and unattractive. We are in the 20th century, everyone owns a smartphone that has a good camera. You have no excuses. Do not be lazy.
Make sure each photo is a quality one that portrays your best side. At the end of the day, the girl is going to think you look like your worst picture. If all your photos you look like an 8 and you have one that looks like a 6, she is going to think you are a 6.
5. Be honest
If that Lamborghini does not belong to you, don’t try to flex your fake wealth and act like it is yours by standing and taking a picture beside it. It reeks insecurity when she finds out you lied in person.
6. Use a recent photo of you
Make sure you are using a recent photo within the past year or 2 and not 5 years ago. A lot can change in that length of time and you do not want her to feel catfished or unable to recognise you in person.
How to Maximise My Looks?
I am sure you have seen this meme before. Whether you like it or not, it certainly holds true to a large extent. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Looks do matter and you got to accept it. Especially on an online dating platform, looks matter more than ever.
That’s akin to their first impression of you in real life and vice versa. Therefore, before you start taking those photos, looksmaxing should be your priority. Check out the 4 steps I use to maximise my looks that you can implement as well.
What to Write in My Bio?
Photos matter the most, but that is not to say that a good bio is irrelevant. Yes, although good photos account for the majority of online dating success, why stop there when you can make your profile stand out even more. A picture speaks a thousand words, but it does not tell the entire story. Your online dating profile has a bio section for a reason. It can showcase your personality and authenticity. Girls enjoy reading profiles and a good bio can be a great boost to your profile alongside a good set of photos.
Bios on tinder and bumble are generally shorter while bios on OKC tend to be more informative and longer. But they all follow the same principles listed below.
1. Avoid clichés or lame sentences
Clichés are overused in bios of dating profiles. What makes you unique? You want to stand out from the crowd. Avoid clichés like “Here for a fun time, not a long time” and “Jack of all trades, master of none” or lame sentences that does not provide value such as “Ask me to find out more”.
2. Have a sense of humour
Girls like humour and generally funny guys. Laughter is the best medicine. Not telling you to be a clown and a joke but your profile should have some form of humour in it to portray yourself as a fun-loving guy who is not too uptight or serious.
3. Show instead of telling
Instead of saying "I’m a funny guy", you can show an example by saying, "I love to challenge myself by drinking water while the car is moving". Instead of saying "I like to watch Netflix", you can say "Netflix connoisseur talents include: Binging an entire Netflix series in one sitting because my momma didn’t raise no quitter".
4. Honesty is the best policy
Whatever your life circumstances are, be honest. Don’t try to portray yourself as a certain caliber of person if you are not. Ultimately you want to find someone who likes you and is supportive for who you are. Therefore, do not lie about yourself, hobbies or skill.
5. Put your height if you are tall
If you are tall, 5’10 (178cm) for Asians and 6’ (183cm) for Caucasians, stating your height at the top of your bio can give you an advantage. More so than ever, girls these days prefer a taller guy therefore you can use your height to your advantage.
If you are average or below, do not fret about it. You do not have state it, but definitely do not lie about it. I know some people and most guys will tell you to do it and inflate your height but I do not recommend it. An inflation of 1-2cm max is fine. More than that and if you guys ended up meeting, they can surely tell.
It would be awkward as hell when she (e.g. 173cm) is about the same height as you (e.g. 175cm), or even taller than you with her heels on, when you both meet and your profile states that you are 180cm.
6. Be positive and humble
Do not try to be boastful or have passive aggressive statements such as “No one reads these things”, and “I’m a nice guy but girls only like bad boys” in your bio. If you fill that space with negativity, girls will feel the negative energy and you will be left-swiped on and left dateless.
7. Check your grammar
Poor grammar and spelling can be a turn off, therefore make sure to check your sentence structure carefully. Examples that people usually get wrong are "then" vs "than", and "your" vs "you're".
Also, avoid using overly flowery or bombastic vocabulary that the majority will not understand.
Examples of My Bio
The screenshots below are examples of my bio for Tinder and OKCupid in the past. I always change things up but I never use copy pasta generic lines that has no personality.
Other Examples of Good Bio
You should not need to copy the bio examples above word-for-word. Rather, use your creative juice to create a fun and funny bio that conveys your personality and suits the current situation using my tips above.
Now that you have learned how to optimise your profile, you will have a lot more quality matches to work with. But it does not end here. This is only the beginning of your online dating journey. All these matches are useless if you do not know how to convert them into actual dates.
You need to learn how to text well, and convey yourself as a fun and interesting person to hang out with. Plenty of guys fall into the boring and creepy category over text, causing the girl to lose interest in them despite their good profile. Even then, many guys are also clueless on what to do on a date. Therefore, you have to learn how to text well and perform during a date to build a genuine connection with her.
Also for apps like OKCupid and CMB, where you are allowed to send the first message before being matched, a good opener can really increase your chances of her matching with you.
My friend (Coach Verse) and I (Editor/Writer) have created an online dating course called HandleTheHeat. He is an expert in this field and has helped and guided me along my online dating journey.
Personally, after recovering from my health challenges, I started from rock bottom with no clue what to do. I was shy, anxious and faced many dating issues such as not knowing what to text, and what to converse or do during a date. By no means am I an expert or perfect, but I have improved and came a long way. This shows you that dating is a skillset that can be trained, and you can learn and be better at it.
HandleTheText: You will learn how to set up your profile, which dating apps to use, how to create your own unique opener, what messages not to send, how to banter and text a girl, and finally ask her out on a date and meet her. We believe in ACTUAL RESULTS so there will be case study examples of how we transform the matches on dating apps into ACTUAL DATES.
HandleTheDate: You will learn how to prep for a date and what you should do beforehand to keep yourself calm, collected and confident. Learn where the best places are to take girls out, the conversation topics to say and to avoid, and what to do and not to do on a date, to get the girl of your dreams. We will teach you how to be smooth so that the interactions during the date will flow naturally.
I convinced him to create these video courses because most of what is being taught online are only applicable for Western countries where females are more open-minded, hence you can get away with average text game. For Asian countries, the females are more reserved and conservative. You need to build the right amount of comfort and attraction, yet not appear too needy or desperate, and eventually make them feel comfortable enough to go on a date with you. Start your online dating journey on the right path now.