Why I Stopped Using Dating Apps (And Why You Should Too)
It has been more than 2 weeks since I last used any dating apps. This is the longest time I have abstained from any dating apps (apart from during my relationship) since I started using them in April 2019. And I don’t plan on using it back anytime soon.
How Dating Apps Benefitted Me
At that point of my life, my purpose was to improve on my social skills so I would not be awkward when I enter University as I did not have any social interaction for 2 years.
Being someone who did not date during my younger days in secondary school and polytechnic, dating apps served as a platform to improve my conversational and dating skills. (Check out how to optimise your dating profile here.)
I still remember the first few girls I met. I was unable to hold a conversation and the interaction was awkward as hell. It wasn’t long before I got ghosted as they gradually lost interest.
Since I was that shy awkward introverted guy who was always afraid to approach and talk to women, dating apps gave me the opportunity to meet multiple women as I learn how to converse, flirt and banter with them. This allowed me to desensitise and my fear of chatting with girls started diminishing. Over time, I became more confident and was less “in my head” with women.
Dating apps also made me improve my fashion and maximise my looks as initially, I wasn’t getting the quality of girls I was looking for. But you are what you attract. Hence, I had to up my fashion game to maximise my looks in order to date more attractive girls.
Overall, I am grateful for dating apps as it served as a platform to help me accomplish and experience dating women which I was lacking in my younger days. I even had my first relationship from there which I am forever grateful for.
Why I Stopped Using Dating Apps
Apart from the period of my last relationship, I have always been on dating apps and it was extremely difficult for me to quit it. My past attempts were futile as it always ended up in me downloading back after a few days.
Now that I have experienced dating and even had a relationship before, I shall explain the reasons behind my decision to stop using dating apps.
1. Focus on myself
There are several reasons, but the main reason was I wanted to focus on myself. I felt that I was always chasing for that next hot girl, that “new shiny object”. It made me feel very lustful in my thoughts and I felt that I was dating for the wrong reasons.
I was using girls to give me the external validation that I was lacking internally.
This was probably the reason why my first relationship failed as I lost interest as the “chase” was no longer there.
I also realised that during my relationship, I was too reliant on my partner for my happiness and strength. Hence, I wanted to work on myself to be contented and whole with myself.
2. Waste of time
Dating apps take up a lot of time. When I deleted all my dating apps, I suddenly had a lot more free time. This made me realised that I was wasting a lot of time swiping and chatting girls up on dating apps. Since it’s a numbers game, you have to swipe and chat with many girls just to get that one girl out.
Whenever a new match or new message pops up on my phone, I would stop whatever I am doing to look at it. This distraction caused me to be very unproductive. Also, most girls on dating apps are there for the attention and to seek validation. They and are not planning to connect with you in real life.
Others will easily ghost you if you say something wrong due to the crazy number of options they have. And don’t think that you are safe after setting up a date with them. Girls on dating apps, as compared to girls you met in real life, generally have a higher chance to flake on you.
Even if they do go on a date with you, there is a chance that you might be cat-fished and what you see is not exactly what you get.
Dating apps are also not the most organic way to meet a woman as you swipe left or right on a person solely based on their looks. It can also act as a trigger to porn.
3. Creates insecurity
Since guys outnumber girls on dating apps, the average guy generally has much lesser matches than a girl. The 80-20 rule kicks in as 80% of the girls will go for the top 20% of the guys in terms of looks. Hence, dating apps could lower your self-esteem and leave you feeling shitty and depressed about yourself.
Since I just graduated from University, my focus now is to get a job and work on my career. Dating apps only act as a distraction for what I’m currently trying to achieve at this point of my life. The time that I spend on dating apps could be used more efficiently to better myself financially, physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
Maybe in future, when I am contented and secure with myself, and am ready to date but unable to find women from real life, will I then go back to online dating. In the meantime, it is time to work on myself. If a girl that I vibe with appears in real life, that’s great. Else, now is the time to focus and learn more about myself as I have more “me-time” to myself.